Musings of a Shy Wallflower

Who I Am.

Time and time again, people have asked me what fuels my shyness.

“What are you scared of?” They say, and almost immediately, I can feel my chest clench as I try to come up with a suitable answer.

I tell them I don’t know. It’s just always been like that, ever since I can remember. The truth is, if I’m completely honest with myself, I’m scared of people’s reactions, whether they will like the real me and if I even register as a blip on their radar.

Shyness has been with me most of my life. I don’t know where it came from because no one else in my family seems to have it. I’m naturally an introvert which I am proud of, especially because society’s understandings of personality types has grown so much and become more accepting. However, I am ashamed of being shy. It’s cost me so many opportunities – friendships, relationships, and career opportunities.

Everyday, I try and tell myself to get out there. It’s up to me to grow and change, and the only way I can become the person I want to be is to suck it up and start the journey myself.

Who do I want to be?

I want to be the kind of person who makes friends easily. I know I have an incredibly diverse personality that can click with people from all walks of life, but I’ve always been too damn scared to just say “hi.” I don’t want to let fear of judgment rule my life, especially when I preach to those closest to me that they should not let it rule theirs.

I didn’t do so well at reaching my goal today, but tomorrow is a new day. Try again.

-Cheers from the balcony 🍷

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